POSITIVITY
Oh, positivity. Some people hear that word and identify with it, others hear it and are terribly annoyed by it. Jacob and I often argue about positivity. Sounds weird, right? I have a degree in School Counseling and I am a Nationally Certified Counselor. Oftentimes I found myself getting frustrated with the thought of “just be positive,” as if that can completely erase unpleasant feelings. After over a year of looking at scientific research and data, I have come to the conclusion that Jacob and I BOTH have great points, and probably the best thing is a combination of the two. Yes, we are all entitled to “feel our feelings” and it’s important that we have a safe space to share those feelings. Sometimes bad things happen, and it’s okay to feel angry, mad or sad. What we choose to do with those feelings is what matters. We cannot control the things around us, but we can control ourselves.
The research is undeniable, having a positive mindset is life changing in every sense of the way.
According to the Mayo Clinic, having a positive mindset:
Increases life span
Lowers rates of depression
Lowers levels of distress and pain
Greater resistance to illnesses
Better psychological and physical well-being
Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
Reduced risk of death from cancer
Reduced risk of death from respiratory conditions
Reduced risk of death from infections
Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
According to Dr. Sandhya Pruthi, “It's unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. One theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body.” The above mentioned benefits I hope would be enough to convince anyone that if you struggle with a positive mindset, it may be time to start working on it.
One of the most important factors of building a positive mindset is understanding that you have control over your emotions. I often find myself in sessions with students who are very upset (tears, anxious, angry, etc.). I will ask them to tell me about the last time they laughed so hard their belly hurt, or the last time they felt happy. In that very moment, the entire atmosphere changes. I remind them that they have the power within them to move on from one feeling to the next, that they do indeed have a choice. Barbara Frederickson wrote a very interesting piece on a research study she conducted titled “The Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotions.” She completed a research study where she divided one large group into different groups. Each group was shown pictures. One group was shown pictures that created feelings of joy and contentment and one group was shown pictures that created feelings of fear and anger. Afterwards the research subjects were asked to write down what they would do in a situation where they felt similar feelings. The group that was shown pictures that created feelings of joy and contentment wrote down several ideas of what they would do in a situation and the participants that were shown images that created fear and anger wrote down only one thing that they would do in that type of situation.
Frederickson came to the conclusion that people who consistently experience negative feelings have a very narrow mindset. When presented with different situations, they see one option only. They aren’t open to possibilities and oftentimes struggle to try something new. When we have positive experiences, we are prompted to build on the skills we learn and continue pushing forward. Fredrickson refers to this as the “broaden and build” theory. Positive emotions broaden your sense of possibilities and open your mind, which in turn allows you to build new skills and resources that can provide value in other areas of your life. Negative emotions do the opposite. Why? Because building skills for future use is irrelevant when there is immediate threat or danger. Let’s think about this very plainly. If you were stranded with a tiger in front of you, your automatic fight or flight response takes charge and you flee. You don’t have an opportunity to engage in any other type of thinking in that moment because your mind is operating from a survival perspective. When our fight or flight response isn’t activated we are able to think about situations with a clearer mind and be open to possibilities.
All of this research begs the most important question of all: if positive thinking is so useful for developing valuable skills and appreciating the Big Picture of life, how do you actually get yourself to be positive?
HELP TRAIN YOUR BRAIN TO BE POSITIVE
PRACTICE GRATITUDE. Research has found that showing gratitude can do anything from making you more optimistic to warding of coronary artery disease. Write three things down each morning or night that happened that you are grateful for. Sharing your gratitude also has amazing health benefits. When you appreciate someone, let them know.
START YOUR DAY OUT ON A POSITIVE NOTE. Jacob and I start our mornings drinking coffee and reading one chapter of the bible. It’s an awesome habit we started a couple years ago and we have found that it creates a calm, positive space for us in the morning. Suggestion: find a book that inspires you and dedicate 10-15 minutes in the morning to reading it.
PRACTICE POSITIVE SELF TALK. We are our worst enemy most of the time. When you are thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, “Would I say this to my best friend?” If not, then don’t say it to yourself. Be kind to your mind, body and soul. It’s the only place you will ever live. Just crushed a workout? Tell yourself that you’re a beast. It matters.
MAKE TIME TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE. It’s okay to set aside time for the things you love. Even if it’s just once a month - it gives you something to look forward to. All those happy hormones being release, how fantastic does that sound?!
RECOGNIZE AREAS OF STRESS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Are you finding yourself continuously stressed at work or at home? Try to record these situations in a journal so you can get your thoughts and feelings on paper instead of harboring within. Counseling is an awesome way to address what is preoccupying your mind and healthy coping skills to help deal with the situation. Stop making excuses for not getting into counseling if you need to. It WILL make a world of difference.
LOOK AFTER YOUR BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT. Eat right and exercise. You hear it all the time, but there is a reason you hear it all the time. When you take care of your body, your body helps take care of your mind. It’s that simple. Mindfulness is simply being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. An easy, easy, easy, mindfulness exercise is to merely set your phone alarm for three separate times during the day. When it buzzes – stop – one second, and take a breath. Even this small break will train your brain to be more balanced.
