POSITIVITY
Oh, positivity. Some people hear that word and identify with it, others hear it and are terribly annoyed by it. Jacob and I often argue about positivity. Sounds weird, right? I have a degree in School Counseling and I am a Nationally Certified Counselor. Oftentimes I found myself getting frustrated with the thought of “just be positive,” as if that can completely erase unpleasant feelings. After over a year of looking at scientific research and data, I have come to the conclusion that Jacob and I BOTH have great points, and probably the best thing is a combination of the two. Yes, we are all entitled to “feel our feelings” and it’s important that we have a safe space to share those feelings. Sometimes bad things happen, and it’s okay to feel angry, mad or sad. What we choose to do with those feelings is what matters. We cannot control the things around us, but we can control ourselves.
The research is undeniable, having a positive mindset is life changing in every sense of the way.
According to Dr. Sandhya Pruthi, “It's unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. One theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body.” The above mentioned benefits I hope would be enough to convince anyone that if you struggle with a positive mindset, it may be time to start working on it.
One of the most important factors of building a positive mindset is understanding that you have control over your emotions. I often find myself in sessions with students who are very upset (tears, anxious, angry, etc.). I will ask them to tell me about the last time they laughed so hard their belly hurt, or the last time they felt happy. In that very moment, the entire atmosphere changes. I remind them that they have the power within them to move on from one feeling to the next, that they do indeed have a choice. Barbara Frederickson wrote a very interesting piece on a research study she conducted titled “The Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotions.” She completed a research study where she divided one large group into different groups. Each group was shown pictures. One group was shown pictures that created feelings of joy and contentment and one group was shown pictures that created feelings of fear and anger. Afterwards the research subjects were asked to write down what they would do in a situation where they felt similar feelings. The group that was shown pictures that created feelings of joy and contentment wrote down several ideas of what they would do in a situation and the participants that were shown images that created fear and anger wrote down only one thing that they would do in that type of situation.
Frederickson came to the conclusion that people who consistently experience negative feelings have a very narrow mindset. When presented with different situations, they see one option only. They aren’t open to possibilities and oftentimes struggle to try something new. When we have positive experiences, we are prompted to build on the skills we learn and continue pushing forward. Fredrickson refers to this as the “broaden and build” theory. Positive emotions broaden your sense of possibilities and open your mind, which in turn allows you to build new skills and resources that can provide value in other areas of your life. Negative emotions do the opposite. Why? Because building skills for future use is irrelevant when there is immediate threat or danger. Let’s think about this very plainly. If you were stranded with a tiger in front of you, your automatic fight or flight response takes charge and you flee. You don’t have an opportunity to engage in any other type of thinking in that moment because your mind is operating from a survival perspective. When our fight or flight response isn’t activated we are able to think about situations with a clearer mind and be open to possibilities.
All of this research begs the most important question of all: if positive thinking is so useful for developing valuable skills and appreciating the Big Picture of life, how do you actually get yourself to be positive?